My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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