And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
