I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
