She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
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She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
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He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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