I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize