I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
