ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
