yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
