just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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