I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
