ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
