Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
