I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she told me i tasted like america
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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