Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
