There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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