I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
