yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
