Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
