Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
