the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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