HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
