Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
