You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just had sex on a roof
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
