You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
