i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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