I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
