Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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