So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
