shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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