I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
