walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
