Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
