My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
