I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
