My first STD was from a foam party
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
