Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
