My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
