just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
