I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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