I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
