Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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