R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
