from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Sext me about skeletons
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
