Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
