My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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