We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
