Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
