I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
