I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
