The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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