before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
