My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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