If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
People in love make me want to vomit
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
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