His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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