my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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