my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
