is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I am mentally ready for anal.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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