Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize