there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
