I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize