Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
