As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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