a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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